I’ve heard this phrase somewhat frequently in the 17 years I’ve had the store. Usually, people are being overly dramatic about the mess they’ve left. It’s often just a few books on the floor and maybe a stuffed animal that has migrated sections. Most people say this when they’re actually starting to clean up. We always tell them that it’s okay and they should go about their day.
Summer visitors to the bookstore tend to be more chaotic than any other time of year. Partly it’s because there are more people in each group, which increases the chances for large messes. I find stacks of books on the floor to be a sign that a family has had fun looking at things. I don’t mind reshelving; in fact, I’d always rather reshelve stacks than have families help because I know where everything goes. The chaos increase is also due to the fact that some folks have food with them.
We have a very delicate sign on the front door that says: Please, no food or drink in the bookstore. This is often ignored and we’re not really great about asking people to leave the store if they have ice cream. Generally, we don’t have horrible messes to clean up, until Monday.
This Monday there was a family of five in the store. They were rambunctious and clearly book lovers. Books were starting to pile up around them, so we just kept our eye out for anything that looked like it might get damaged by little feet. All was well, until just before they left. The dad was paying for the book they had picked out. I hadn’t seen the kids walk in with candy, but it materialized during their visit. Did you know that certain kinds of jawbreakers have a hard shell that can melt when it gets hot? Did you know that there are about four cups of blue sugary syrup that come from a jawbreaker left in a hot car and then cracked open by a three-year-old?
There was blue paint (I’m calling it that, because that’s what it looked like and what it cleaned up like) everywhere in one section. The mom noticed as she was gathering the kids to leave. She looked at the floor, the shelves, and her daughter’s hands and said, “I think you’ll need a mop.” She washed her daughter’s hands off and left the store. We were left to clean up. I never mind cleaning up, although I’m always a little stunned when the offer to help clean up isn’t made, even if I have no intention of letting the customer clean up. It just seems like common courtesy to at least offer.
Luckily, the candy shell was water-based and did clean up without too much fuss. No books were damaged and apparently there was still plenty of candy left to stem the tears that had threatened. I shared this story with co-worker David who told that just the other weekend a child urinated in the store because he couldn’t tear himself away from a Star Wars book. I laughed and was really happy that I had that day off.
So, what’s the worst mess you’ve had at your store? And how did you deal with it?

I was helping a family from Montreal find fantasy books for their three children, when longtime Flying Pig friend Suzanne F walked up to the counter. I hadn’t seen her come in, and she was moving oddly, hurrying but careful. Her arms were curled around her lower stomach, supporting a bulging sweatshirt. She looked ten months pregnant with big lumps. Before I could say “What the wha–?”, Suzanne carefully maneuvered herself to the counter and unfurled the bottom of her sweatshirt so that three puppies tumbled out onto the counter. (Okay, they didn’t actually tumble. All three were on their feet.) Quick little girls, all of them; we had a job keeping them on the counter.

Knowing that Josie and I were missing our dog, Theo, Suzanne had decided we needed what we at the bookstore call a puppy-by, which is basically a drive-by visit involving puppies. We love a puppy-by! This was the first outing away from their mother for these four-week-old little female pups. For a small bitch, she had a big litter: nine pups!
We decamped outside so the puppies could play on the grass. The family from Montreal came, too, and two of the kids plunked down and sat with their legs outstretched, feet touching to make a playpen for the baby dogs.

Is there anything more joyful than playing with puppies? I think not. The puppies stopped traffic, they were so cute, and people eating outside at the restaurant next door came over to the siderail for a closer look when we walked by, taking the pups back to Suzanne’s car.
This is the kind of surprise that makes living and working in a small town so delightful: the thoughtful gestures of people who become part of our lives through the bookstore.

It looks as though the good karma Suzanne earned by bringing in the puppies for a visit is already starting to pay off. All nine puppies in the litter are up for adoption (the mom was a rescue), and before Suzanne left with the furballs, she already had two or three families interested. The Montreal family even added Suzanne’s contact info to their phone, so we’re crossing our fingers that they’ll call.
 
 

I had a great dinner with my niece on Monday in New York City. I was visiting the city for a few days and Claire had just come back to the States after studying in France for two years. At 20, much has changed with Claire since she started college. She’s more mature, she’s so much more capable than I was at that age; currently she’s living in on the Upper West Side with a roommate while she waits for the Columbia term to begin.
Claire has always been a reader. She’s one of those kids who was never without a book.  Claire got most of her books from the Flying Pig, either in massive shopping trips during summer visits or for Christmas. She would leave the store with armloads of classics like Maniac Magee, The Phantom Tollbooth, The House with a Clock in its Walls, Harry Potter, Summer of My German Soldier, and more.
Claire is a re-reader, often choosing the familiar over something new. This summer, before she starts Columbia, she’s been reading all her middle grade childhood favorites. This is making my niece nostalgic and it’s making her feel old. She said there was something about going back and re-reading books and now all the protagonists are younger than she is, when before they were all older. “I used to look up to them, but now I see them for who they are, and that’s making me feel older than I am.”  She’s comparing reading experiences and sadly, they are not measuring up.
This brings up the point I often try to make at the store: kids should read books with characters close to their own ages, or just a little older. Just because most 10-year-olds can probably read books about high school kids doesn’t mean they should. There was always something comforting for me to read about kids my age or just slightly older. Their adventures could be mine as well. You can never go back and read Maniac Magee and have it resonate with you the way it did when you were 10. And there’s real power in that.
Claire has been loving re-reading, but it’s making her feel older than 20. She knows more about the reality of the world than she did as a kid, so the books are hitting differently than when she was younger and just that fact alone is making her sad. She is aware that she’s not a kid anymore, and the books that used to comfort her now have lost some of that ability. So as she navigates her adult life, she will need to find other books for solace. And what makes her such a special person and a lifelong reader, is she’s excited about discovering those new books and can’t wait to tell me about them.
Are there any childhood books that have lost their ability to comfort you as an adult?

Yesterday, I flew back home from New York City. Every time I fly, I try to pay attention to what people are reading. I’m sorry to report, that no one seems to be reading physical books. Kids and parents alike are glued to their mobile devices. While kids seem to be enjoying themselves, the parents look a little frazzled. I guess it’s hard to play Candy Crush and keep your eye on toddlers.
But when I flew down to New York on Jet Blue I noticed something very interesting. There was a cardboard dump that featured a Magic Tree House Pass to Adventure. These little passports are an ingenious partnership with JetBlue and Random House. They encourage the kids to read all the Magic Tree House books and fill in their passport with the abundant stickers found in the booklet. There are connect the dots, geography games, logic games and some coloring pages. It’s a fun little activity book. That comes in a very colorful dump.
Yes, this smacks of blatant commercialism and at first I was a tiny bit horrified at pitching this to kids. But then I started thinking about it. Kids get a booklet that’s fun all by itself. There’s no pressure to buy a book, but what kid isn’t going to want to start reading about Jack and Annie to learn more. And kids who’ve read the books feel no pressure to buy anything. The thing that charmed me about this display because so many kids said, “I have those books!” This might be the best part of this — there is something about recognizing things from their home life that calmed down the many kids who saw this at the airport.
I was only at two airports, and there were very few passports left in the display. I asked a JetBlue employee about these and he said, “The kids just love these. They run right toward it when they see it.” This speaks to the power of branding for kids and I mean it in a good way. Nothing makes a kid happier than seeing something familiar. I did witness a small hissy fit averted because the family was able to get a passport. I watch the two sisters sit calmly go through the booklet talking about all the books they’ve read. They calmed down, they stopped looking at electronics, and they had pretty good conversations about the books. The parents looked thrilled when they peeked at them over their phones.

(Before anyone thinks I’m advocating violence, I’m using “kickin'” as an adjective here, not a verb.)
A friend of mine came to the store at the beginning of summer. Lena, a lifelong tomboy and athlete and now mother of two sons, found herself in charge of a Princess Ballerina summer camp for little girls. After I got done laughing (mostly), we set about finding some books about princesses that wouldn’t make her want to strangle herself with pink tulle.
A Babette Cole fan from childhood, Lena already knew and loved Princess Smartypants. We pulled out Robert Munsch’s The Paper Bag Princess. Kate Duke’s Aunt Isabel Tells a Good One (the plucky mouse heroine isn’t a princess, but she rescues and befriends a prince whose parents initially thought her too scruffy to be a suitable playmate for their son), Cinder Edna by Ellen Jackson and Kevin O’Malley, and The Emperor and the Kite, by Jane Yolen and Ed Young. I wanted to give her Katrin Tchana and Trina Schart Hyman’s gorgeous The Serpent Slayer and Other Stories of Strong Women, which was a staple at the store for years, but it’s gone out of stock indefinitely. (A true shame.) We were able to recommend the glorious Sense Pass King: A Story from Cameroon by those two (still in print!). Lena picked a bunch of books and reported that the week-long camp and its read-alouds went well.
It’s been several weeks since the princess ballerinas disbanded for other summer activities, but I got a text from Lena this afternoon. “How about this?” she said. “One of my little princess ballerinas came in today to say hello and had this to say: ‘The best part of summer was ballerina camp because there was dancing and books about girls without husbands.’ I think she was talking about Princess Smartypants.” That cracked me up! I loved that a little girl — one who had signed up for princess ballerina camp, by the way, so a self-selecting fan of all things princess — liked the strong girl characters in the books she read.
In writing this post, I looked for some other books that might fit the bill for my friend’s next Princess Ballerina summer camp, and came across these titles, which I haven’t yet seen but sound promising: Do Princesses Wear Hiking Boots? by Carmela LaVigna Coyle, Don’t Kiss the Frog! Princess Stories with Attitude compiled by Fiona Waters and illustrated by Ella Burfoot (whose name belongs in a Cinderella retelling of her own), Not All Princesses Dress in Pink, by Jane Yolen, Heidi E.Y. Stemple, and Anne-Sophie Lanquetin, and Princesses Are Not Quitters! and Princesses Are Not Perfect by Kate Lum and Sue Hellard. 
I’m not trying to spoil the joys of princessdom here. I loved pink as a little girl (shell pink and shocking HOT pink only, though; not toy pink or the other sickly shades) and always secretly wanted a tiara;. I adored beautiful dresses and fluffy tutus. Heck, I even tried to trade in on my first name and its link to British royalty to get out of chores. (“Queens don’t work!” I announced to my grandparents one morning when I was six, had just learned about Elizabeth I, and had been asked to make my bed before coming to breakfast. Sadly, my regal status was not acknowledged and I was forced to smooth and fold and fluff the bedding as usual.)
So while I don’t want to suck the joy out of the fancy dresses and parties that little princess fans love so well, isn’t it great to expand their definition of what a princess is? After all, real princesses do real work and seek fulfilling lives beyond the wedding veil. So I’m all eyes, folks: What other great strong-girl princess stories can you recommend?

I hope every bookstore has an employee as great as our PJ. She has worked for us for seven years, since she was 15. We said goodbye to her today as she readies to go to graduate school at St. Andrew’s in Scotland to get her Master of Letters in Medieval Studies.
I looked up PJ’s records at the store and it was like seeing her grow up with books. The first book she bought was Pony Pals: The Saddest Pony. The last book she bought was Cicero: Life and Times of Rome’s Greatest Politician. In between those two books were James Herriott, every book Tamora Pierce ever wrote, just about every fantasy novel in the young adult section as well as every horse book we carry. Along the way there were history books about pirates, the English countryside, Anita Shreve, all the Harry Potters and so much more.
The staff came together today to toast PJ and wish her well. We had blueberry cheesecake and champagne. We shared stories about a shy teenager who would hide in the back room alphabetizing and who blossomed into an outgoing, funny and caring young woman. PJ has a great sense of fun. This would explain why practically every Christmas there would be a day where we’d make her wear ribbon all day. And she did, smiling the whole time. I remember the first time she worked the register alone. It was early December and the store was busy and I said, “PJ, you’re on the register today.” Her eyes widened in alarm and then she got to it. A small case of nerves saw her ringing up her first customer’s credit card for $5524 because she typed in the credit card number. That’s why we have the void button and all was well. PJ was a project person. She loved to stay long hours with Elizabeth and rearrange whole sections of the store or organize the basement.
We’d seen PJ take classes at the University of Vermont since 10th grade. Always getting impossibly good grades while still working not one but two jobs during school. PJ has been smart enough to get jobs doing things she loves to do. She’s a reader, so the bookstore was a perfect fit, and she’s a rider so she’s always worked at a barn. PJ was a dedicated student who actually loves learning. So it was no surprise that she’d continue her education past her bachelor’s.
When PJ told me she was going to go to graduate school I said, “Where?” When she told me Scotland my only question was, “So, I guess you won’t be working Christmas?” We will miss her and wish her nothing but the best.
And honestly, we couldn’t be prouder.

In July 25’s post, we asked you to do your worst – or at least, to come up with the worst event idea based on a book. You delivered! We got chuckles and/or shudders from all of your creative entries. Before we announce the Grand Prize Winner and two runners-up, we want to give honorable mentions to some truly wonderful terrible entries.
Violent Offenders
J. Smith-Borne: “A Life of Pi event – get your photo taken in a row boat, with a live tiger!”
Becky’s “Come help us celebrate the debut novel by Kate Allcott, The Dressmaker. Join us in our very own wave tank as community members fight to get on board lifeboat number 1. Watch the life and death struggle through the clear tank walls as contestants beat each other to death with oars and push one another under the water to conserve the most space in the boat! Excitement for all ages!!
Stacey Graham’s “How To Kill a Mockingbird hunting competition. Those who bag the most of those little suckers win — and get a nasty note from the authorities.”
Lizzy’s “[A] battle for the Iron Throne like in Game of Thrones. Sure, that means probable beheadings, poisonings, and a station will have to be created for battle planning…what person doesn’t want to strategize offensive/defensive war plans while needing people to taste test their food from the snack table? Although, it would be fun to come up with house sigils and mottos…
Linda Marshall’s Swamplandia Alligator Pool Party. Bring the Family.
Heidi Sinnet’s “Calling all twins aged 10 – 20! Drop by and kill your twin*! We’ll be holding a Dualed event at the library, celebrating Elsie Chapman’s debut YA book. We’re officially “activating” you now. Bring your favourite weapons or borrow one of ours. Hide in the stacks, under a table or tuck yourself away in our storage closet for the best assassination point possible! Just think, you’ll never have to share a room again, never be called by another name, and never have your sentences finished by someone else! One is definitely better than two. (*cleanup costs apply)

Miranda Paul’s “A revenge party in honor of Klassen’s I WANT MY HAT BACK and THIS IS NOT MY HAT. Invite siblings, friends, etc. who have ever stolen something or had something stolen and let them work out the justice food-chain style and get their stuff back.”
[ShelfTalker Note: Are we getting the sense that people have been spending a titch too much time with their families this summer?]
Hilariously Gross
Meredith B’s “Inspired by the wonderfully funny picture book, Richard Was a Picker by Carolyn Beck, the library will be hosting a booger-flicking contest. Open to children of all ages – and parents, too – join the competition to see who can flick their booger the furthest! Grand prize will be a copy of the book and a box of Kleenex. Sign up today!
Martha Simpson’s “A contest based on Your New Potty. Hey, toddlers! Show us how you use your new potty chair!
You can bring your own potty, and we will also have an assortment of bowls, saucepans, oversize hats, flower pots, and other containers for you to try out. Prizes will be given for the first to pee, the biggest poop, demonstrating wiping skills, and to the boy with the best aim. Fun for the whole family! Parents – bring your cameras to catch all the action!”
Events You’d Almost Want to See, Just for the Crazy Fallout
Amanda D’s “Harriet the Spy contest: the kid who brings in the best true story about their friends and neighbors wins a prize!”
Bethany B’s “Ramona Roulette! In honor of Ramona Quimby, we invite children to participate in a high-stakes game–with eggs! Some of the eggs are hard boiled and some are not. And the only way to find out which is which is to crack them against your head!”
Slyest
Lisa Yee’s simple “The Hunger Games.”
A.L. Luring’s “Contest announcement! As of tomorrow all staff members and customers are here-by adamantly requested to wear something, each day, in any shade of grey or gray, for the next 50 days. P-R-I-Z-E-S will be given to those people wearing the best conservative oufit while smiling in the most provocative way. This should make us #1 in the world of books for weeks and weeks and weeks. Don’t forget to sign the rules agreement and the promise of non-disclosure when you complete the contest application. Regardless of the anticipated success of the contest, no rights are yours.”
Events Most Likely to Traumatize the Kiddies
Kelly’s “Parents, have your children been naughty? Teach them to love reading–and behave–with our special Matilda night, complete with a full size replica Chokey! Make reading come alive and give the kids an experience they won’t forget.”
Meredith B’s “Get your jammies on and come to our special Sleepy Storytime! We’ll be reading the classic picture book, Go the F*** to Sleep. Parents will be invited to join in on reading aloud that classic phrase with our storyteller as it appears throughout the book. Our promise: you’ll never have trouble getting your kids to bed again!”
Ill-Advised Events Kids Would TOTALLY Attend
Jennifer Oleinik’s “Celebrating the completion of Michael Grant’s YA series, a “Gone” party! Kids aged newborn to 15-years old only. For a full day of store operations, no adults will be present, and it is up to the partygoers (kids) to run the Fallout Alley Youth Zone (FAYZ). What could possibly go wrong?”
Suzanne Warr’s “Come celebrate H.I.V.E with us by unleashing your inner diabolical genius! We’ll hack into national security sites, take hostage any visiting dignitaries, and give out prizes for the best self-built bombs!”
C. Hernandez’s “The Divergent amusement park survivor event- jump from tall buildings, climb a moving ferris wheel, try to board a roller coaster as it goes by, moving target shooting competition, and of course knife thowing along with a martial arts wrestling match.”
Too Sweet to Win Worst Event
Miranda Paul: “A Wet Cement Graffiti Party – in honor of MICK HARTE WAS HERE by Barbara Park. Invite readers to the nearest construction site and have them write giggle-worthy words in the freshly poured concrete.”
Kathy E: “Books & Paints Storytime & Crafts at the book Store, featuring:
I Ain’t Going to Paint No More! By Karen Beaumont
Blue Chicken by Deborah Freedman
Purple, Green, and Yellow By Robert Munsch
Craft: Each child will be provided with 5 buckets of paint to re-enact their favorite scenes from each of the books.
Margo Jantzi’s “[My mom’s] funny that way, celebrating special occasions with blue food. I think it’s her way of saying anything is possible. Percy can pass seventh grade. Waffles can be blue. Little miracles like that.”
― Rick Riordan, The Sea of Monsters
How about all the refreshments for the Sea of Monsters movie edition book party featuring all BLUE refreshments.”
Sue Morris: “Join the Summer of Peyo Event and celebrate all things 3 apples high. Wear your favorite blue top and white footed pants. Special contests include the first to explode something in Papa Smurf”s lab. Forget real dolls, steal Gargamel’s Smurfette formula and make your own Smurfette. It will delight your child when your Smurfette speaks, no pull-string needed. Ride atop Puppy throughout the Smurf village, wrestle with the littlest ghosts, try to match wits with Brainy Smurf. See if you have enough grouchiness to be the new Grouchy Smurf. Trade you baby in for a real Smurf Baby or join in on a special Smurf talent show–no instruments larger than 2 apples allowed. End the day’s festivities sleeping under a small mushroom, hay beds are extra, of course.”
Creepy-Cool Events We’d Almost Want to Attend

Helen Platts-Johnson’s: “A Coraline-inspired event which includes:
– How many black beetles can you eat in 60 seconds (pie contest style) – winner receives a brand new set of eye buttons
And
– The never ending garden maze – where you just keep going round the same bit because the maze was never completed beyond the first 100 yards
Also highlights such as: the small room with no light (based on the cupboard Coraline gets locked in), terrible amateur acting hour and the foggy mirror (based on the mirror at the end of the hall where she sees her parents) would be featured.
Linda Marshall’s: “Charles Dickens Halloween House of Horrors. Convicts leap at you from behind tombstones. Be chased by thieves, cutthroats, pickpockets, and hags in shredded wedding gowns. Be haunted by ghosts, old and new., large and small. Be spooked by hunger and ignorance. For the grand finale, the Best of Times, the Worst of Times Exit. Choose the correct exit and you are out free. Choose the wrong exit and…don’t lose your head.”
Also Linda Marshall’s “Hunger Games ‘The Capitol’ Costume Contest. Come dressed and coiffed as if you lived in The Capitol!”
Most Likely to Get Booksellers Arrested
Kathy E’s “Celebrate the Movie Opening Night of 50 Shades of Grey at the Book Store
Re-enact your favorite scene from the book. Handcuffs will be provided, and a free book given out to each participate. The book store will be decorated with prints of Georgia O’Keefe’s famous flower paintings, while intimate mood music plays in the background.”
Impossible to Arrange but Very Funny
Charlesbridge’s “Charlesbridge published a book called The Great Molasses Flood. But, no.”
Game-Enders for a Bookstore

Trish K’s “Come one, come all and celebrate the great literary masterpiece that is The Book Thief. We’ve stolen pizza from Cucina Antica and some fabulous chocolate mousse cake from Harrington’s for this sure-to-be-popular event. Make sure you bring a big backpack that can be easily.filled with our inventory when management is distracted. Feeling a bit tuckered out after the festivities commence? Hop on over to the Next Door Cafe and help.yourself to some coffee.” (Bonus points to Trish for mentioning Shelburne, VT, hangouts!!)
Linda Young: “Newspaper headline: ‘Local Bookstore Closes After Incredibly Successful Themed Event Based On Abbie Hoffman’s Steal This Book.'”
***
Ha! You people are sick, and we appreciate it.
And now for the prize winners! Winners: please contact me to arrange your prizes, via ebluemle @ publishersweekly . com (no spaces).
RUNNERS-UP:
Runner-Up #1 – because it is a book lover’s and bookseller’s worst nightmare:
Shauna R’s “How about a fireman party, FAHRENHEIT 451 style? Bring your favorite — or least favorite — book!” Jennifer Oleinik adds, “I also like the previously recommended Fahrenheit 451 idea, although to make it truly authentic the firemen party would need to include burning ALL the books in the store. (Special prizes for being able to hide or protect a book from incineration without getting caught!)”
Runner-Up #2 – because it is so simple, clever, and funny:
Linda Mowry’s “Let the Pigeon drive the bus!”
And the GRAND PRIZE WINNER (drum roll please!) – because it makes us laugh out loud with its ultimate awfulness every time we read it:
Kelly’s “Come one, come all! Celebrate a beloved classic with our ‘Put Down Old Yeller’ contest! Test your aim and win the game! (Fine Print: Toy rifle, not real. Moving target is cardboard, not actual dog. No (live) animals will be harmed in the course of this event.)”
CONGRATULATIONS, and thanks to everyone for playing along!
 

Josie and I are having to say goodbye to our beloved dog, Theo, and so this post is going to be a celebration of everyone’s favorite dogs in books.
There are so many amazing dog stories in children’s literature that a bookstore could devote an entire separate section to them. But that might anger the cat people, so we sprinkle them liberally throughout all the sections. (Kidding. We love cats, too.)
At a time like this, we would recommend to customers losing their pets books like Cynthia Rylant’s perfectly lovely Dog Heaven, Helen Manos’s timeless and memorable Samsara Dog, or Elisha Cooper’s cozy, gentle paean to older dogs (and it doesn’t mention losing them, which is comforting), Homer.
To get my dog joy on, I might turn to Patricia MacLachlan’s Once I Ate a Pie (worth the cover price for the title poem alone) and Underwater Dogs. Maybe listen to a Hank the Cowdog audiobook for chuckles.
There are so many great dogs in picture books that have been part of the fabric of children’s lives for decades: Carl and Clifford and Biscuit, Martha, and Harry. There are newer excellent additions, too, like Bailey, Rocket, Beau, Fudge-Fudge and Marshmallow, Howie.
There are terrific dog adventures, from the realistic to the sublimely absurd: Cracker, Balto, The Call of the Wild, The Incredible Journey, 101 Dalmatians and The Starlight Barking, Dominic, Swindle, Molly Moon.
There are dogs that become real to you, hold a place in your heart in books like Because of Winn-Dixie, Where the Red Fern Grows, Shiloh, Sounder, The Underneath. There’s the sheer wonderfulness of Love That Dog.
Oh, there are a million more beautiful, wonderful, loyal, lovely, funny, memorable dogs in books. What are your favorites?

Amazon has done it again. As Shelf Awareness pointed out this past Saturday, Amazon has pretty much decided to see if they can crush a little more spirit out of bricks and mortar stores by increasing the discounts offered on bestsellers to be upwards of 70%. But as the owner of an independent bookstore, I cannot help but feel ill will towards this company.
No one can compete with these discounts. This ridiculousness started because Overstock began an anti-Amazon campaign that it says “will last indefinitely… by slashing prices on bestsellers.”  While these savings are a boon to book buyers on a budget, it will have a horrible ripple-down effect for indies.  No indie I know can afford to sell a book at a 20-40% loss. There is just no way that math works. And honestly, how can it really work for them? For that matter, how can a company operate at a loss for so often and stay remain a major player in the industry?
I have no idea. I do know that last week in my Ingram shipment I received an invoice meant for the Amazon distribution center in Lexington, Ky.  This was a fascinating read. There was absolutely no discount information on the paper. None. I’m not sure how they receive books in Lexington, but at most stores the invoice total and what’s in your computer have to match. That’s pretty hard to without any information. The blank discount fields highlighted to me the difference between us and them.
I pay a certain amount for each book, usually getting about a 40-45% discount from the publishers. I sell the book for list price, or 20% off if they’re bestsellers. I can’t give more away. This is something customers don’t always understand. I can hear this week’s conversations at the register. “How much is Inferno?” “With the 20% off it’s $23.96 plus tax. So it comes to $25.39.” The customer will look sheepish. He shops at Amazon and knows it’s cheaper there. He might say, “You know, it’s $11.65 at Amazon and I don’t have to pay sales tax.”
There is nothing you can say in the face of that. Nothing.
Really, why would someone spend almost $14 more for the exact same book? And while savings this steep will not be found on the vast majority of books that Amazon sells, the perception will be that they do. Customers will wonder why my books are so expensive. Again, there is nothing I can do about that.
It will be a hard week at the brick and mortar stores.

A friend of mine once worked for an advertising firm that was brainstorming names for a new breakfast cereal. The committee sat around a big table, throwing out suggestions fast and furious. Every idea, no matter how terrible, was recorded on a list and kept on file. Ten years later, my friend still had this list, and shared it with me: ten pages of possibilities for a new kind of oatmeal. My favorite entry was something called Hot Cooked Goo Crunch. Hot Cooked Goo Crunch! Did the whole room of ad execs just lose it when someone excitedly called that out? Did the person taking notes think twice about including it? (Honestly, I would pay to see a box of Hot Cooked Goo Crunch sitting on a supermarket shelf next to Grape Nuts, GoLean, and Rice Krispies.)
We booksellers are always striving to come up with creative event ideas to draw in customers. We’ve had Phantom Tollbooth “square” meals, Harry Potter Potions and Herbology and Divinations classes, and Hunger Games skills contests. In staff meetings, we’ll often brainstorm possibilities. Not all ideas are winners; some are downright painful, and others are just silly — which made me think of Hot Cooked Goo Crunch and some very bad ideas for events inspired by popular books. For instance, I don’t think any bookstore would want to hold a How to Eat Fried Worms speed-eating contest. Or a Running With Scissors race.
Readers, what terrible events can you dream up, inspired by a favorite and/or popular book?
There will be prizes for the funniest entries — advance reading copies for the two runners-up and an autographed copy of something fabulous (recipient gets to choose from the Flying Pig’s sizeable collection of signed books) for the grand prize winner.
Keep your ideas coming: winners will be announced in Shelftalker on Friday, August 2.