Sir Mix-A-Lot Remixed

Inspired by my "Baby Got Books" t-shirt post of last Friday, Cheryl Klein, senior editor at Scholastic’s Arthur A. Levine Books, penned her own lyrics to the Sir-Mix-A-Lot hit and posted them on her terrific blog, Brooklyn Arden. With Cheryl’s permission I’m reprinting them for you here, with Cheryl’s original links included.

While I can’t say these lyrics are quite as brilliant as the The Book of Everything or The Legend of the Wandering King, two fantastic books Cheryl has edited, neither of those made me laugh quite as hard as this MUCH-improved version of a classic 90’s dance tune, so… Cheryl? Points for you.

And now… "Baby Got Book." Cheryl Klein-style.

[Female voice]
Oh, my, god. Becky, look at her book. It is so big. *scoff* She looks like, one of those, librarians’ girlfriends. But, you know, who understands those librarians? *scoff* They only talk to her, because, she looks like a total bibliovore, ‘kay? I mean, her book, is just so big. *scoff* I can’t believe it’s just so thick. It’s like, out there. I mean – gross. Look! She’s just so … smart!

[Sir Reads-a-Lot]
I like big books and I can not lie
You other brothers can’t deny
That when a girl walks in with an big fat book
And glasses on her face
You’re all thrilled, wanna talk to her quick
Cause you notice she’s reading Dickens
Deep in the tote she’s carrying
I’m hooked and I can’t stop staring
Oh baby, I wanna get with you
And read you all night
My homeboys tried to warn me
But that book you got makes me so horny
Ooh, Tolkien – elves!
You say you wanna get in my shelves?
Well, use me, use me
‘Cause you ain’t that average bookie
I’ve seen them readin’
To hell with their speedin’
She’s Zinn, Prynne,
Got it goin’ like Jane Austen
I’m tired of magazines
Sayin’ short books are the thing
Take the average intellectual and ask him that
She gotta cook much book
So, fellas! (Yeah!) Fellas! (Yeah!)
Has your girlfriend got big books? (Hell yeah!)
Tell ’em to read it! (Read it!) Read it! (Read it!)
Read that giant tome!
Baby got book!

(LA face with New York volume)
Baby got book!

I like pages galore
And when I’m in an indie bookstore
I just can’t help myself, I’m actin’ like an animal
Now here’s my scandal
I wanna take ’em all home
And ugh, double-up, ugh, ugh
I ain’t talking ’bout Dan Brown
‘Cause his books are made for clowns
I want ’em real thick and juicy
So find that juicy novel
Reads-A-Lot will grovel
Beggin’ for a piece of that cover
So I’m lookin’ at bestsellers
Patterson and them fellers
Give me Joseph Heller
And I’ll keep my women fine spellers
A word to the bookmarked sisters, I wanna get with ya
Good grammar’s my bit, yeah
And I gotta be straight when I say I wanna *read*
Till the break of dawn
Tolstoy got it goin’ on
A lot of simps won’t like this song
‘Cause them punks like to slim it and skim it
And I’d rather drink and think
‘Cause I’m glossy, and I’m saucy
And I’m down to be your Mr. Darcy
So, ladies! (Yeah!) Ladies! (Yeah!)
You wanna roll in my barouche? (Hell yeah!)
Then open up! Ain’t no doubt!
Even Pauly Shore got to shout
Baby got book!

Baby got book!
Yeah, baby … when it comes to females, Cosmo ain’t got nothin’ to do with my selection. Two hundred pages? Ha ha, only if that’s one chapter.

So your girlfriend reads like Ripa, with audiobooks on her speakers
But audio ain’t the same thing, it’s just cheatin’
My tall bookshelves they don’t want none
Unless you’ve got spine, hun
You can do side bends or sit-ups
But please don’t lose that brain
Some brothers full of folderol
Gonna tell you that your books ain’t gold
So they don’t beck you, reject you
And I pull up quick to recheck you
So Cosmo says it’s bad to be smart
That ain’t my library cart!
‘Cause your mind is open and your curves are kickin’
And I’m thinkin’ ’bout stickin’
To Paris and Lindsay in the magazines:
You ain’t it, Miss Thing!
Give me a reader, I’ll feed her,
Franzen and Pullman need her
Some knucklehead tried to dis
‘Cause Harry Potter’s on your list
Guy might read but he’s still a fool
Eight hundred pages so cool
So ladies, if lit’s your love
And you wanna make like Nabokov
Dial 1-800-READSALOT
And we’ll read those banned novels.
Baby got book!