A truly hilarious thread developed this weekend on Facebook in a group maintained by indie booksellers. A certain wry sense of humor develops when one works in retail, and the added fodder of customer comments regarding ordering product online – while they are SHOPPING IN THE BOOKSTORE – is sometimes just too tempting to resist. I thought I would share the conversation with you as a “sneak peek” into the mind of your friendly local bookseller, as they direct you towards the self-help aisle. (And watch for some of these folks on the local comedy club circuit – or at least as potential “guest posters” on this blog – in the future!)

The conversation/comedy routine began with this comment and prompt from Keith Lewis, owner of Bookie’s in Homewood, Ill.:
Today at the local grocery store, I walked up to the customer service desk and said, “I just wanted to let you know that I got apple juice at Whole Foods.” Oh wait. No I didn’t, because that’s not a normal thing to do. Also I wouldn’t shop at Whole Foods.
Keith’s post struck a nerve (or a funny bone or two, because over the next day or so, the following riffs were added on to the theme:
When I went to pick up my new contacts yesterday from my eye doctor, I asked them how they stayed in business when everyone orders contacts online these days…. (from Bob Lingle at Off the Beaten Path)
From Luann Stauss:
I walked in, looked around, took pictures and then left after telling the owner that I was really glad real bakeries were still around. It’s a tough business and need the moral support.
Sam Droke-Dickinson, owner of Dice  & Pen and Aaron’s Books in central Pennsylvania, offered:
I sat in the local pizzeria after asking them for recommendations for 10 minutes, ordering Domino’s for delivery three days from now, even though I was hungry for pizza now.
Kevin Coolidge (My Shelf Books & Gifts) replied: Did you ask if Domino’s delivers? Maybe to that pizzeria?
(Sam): I just assumed that’s who they get their pizza from too… I mean doesn’t everyone?
Keith Lewis jumped in with this scenario:
I walked into Best Buy. I asked them if they had any used iPhone XIII Pluses. They said it wasn’t released yet, so I asked them if they had any inexpensive ones. They said they only had the iPhone XS Plus. I took a free brochure about it from the counter.
From Roxanna Malone McGinnis at Get Lit Bookshop:
I went to the hair salon, looked at their style books, and told them that I save a lot of money coloring my own hair with Madison Reed. Then I told them they had a lovely shop and left.
And from Fleur Gerble at Le Papillion Bleu:
I went to the local patisserie, took pictures of their nicest looking “gâteaux.”
When the lady asked what I was doing, I smiled to her, told her how wonderful it is to have that place in the neighborhood. Then I went home and made my own cake, it’s cheaper.
I went into a music store and played every guitar while the salesperson gave me information on each one. Then I ordered the one I liked online. Of course I then asked the clerk if he’d stock my band’s demo. I’d give him a $2 discount off the price I sell them for! (from Keith Lewis)
From Kevin Coolidge:
I went to the grocery store. Uggh, the prices. I made sure to let the clerk know that I don’t buy new food.
Debbie Austin Sullivan at Book Oasis stayed with the food theme:
I went to the market and took a bite of several items then put them back, didn’t like them after all.
From Amy Anderson Henkenius at Amy’s Bookcase:
I went to a jewelry store and tried on every ring, then I told the clerk, “I’m just going to get one out of a gum machine. Thanks, though. You have a nice shop.”
Added by Kathy Magruder, owner of Pageturners Bookstore in Indianola, Iowa:
I stopped in the paint store to ask if they would let me return that neon orange paint they custom mixed for me a year and a half ago. But I love their store!
And finally, this exchange begun by Kevin Coolidge:
I went to the grocery store. Uggh, the prices. I made sure to let the clerk know that I don’t buy new food.
Is this your BEST price for this Kraft Macaroni and Cheese?
and the ultimate zinger, from Fleur Gerble:
And can you match Walmart prices?