Back when I was a school librarian in Manhattan in the early 90s, this new children’s book author came onto the scene in a big way. He was irreverent, very very funny, liked to fracture fairy tales and nursery stories, and had teamed up with a gifted, wholly unique artist to produce some fairly extraordinary works. You may have heard of him, a clever kid by the name of Jon Scieszka (usual spelling, as my dad would quip). Back then, I never would have expected to find myself, 20 years later, serving him a piece of book-birthday cake with toxic orange frosting.
Jon Scieszka—you should see how fast I just typed that; I learned how to spell his name without looking in 1991 and am quite proud of it—is one of those authors I’ve long admired, but never met. He was coming to Vermont to speak to a bazillion librarians at our state’s Dorothy Canfield Fisher conference, and so we had a golden opportunity to host him the next day at our bookstore.

I was a little nervous. Here’s a glimpse into the anxieties of a bookseller: it is always a bit nervewracking to meet children’s literature celebrities, because one never knows just how … um… operative … the ego level might be. Before I get in trouble for saying that, let me affirm that the book world, especially the children’s book world, is full of more wonderful people per capita than any other field I know. Every once in a while, though, you come across someone who is just dreadful with children, or is mean to your staff, or is imperious and demanding — or worse, disinterested in his or her own event. So imagine my devastation to discover that Jon Scieszka (typing speed: 1.2 seconds) was —pause for faux suspense — absolutely none of those things!

He was fantastic with both kids and adults, relaxed yet extremely entertaining, and the lucky audience members who attended were over-the-moon enamored. Sign of a great event? People leaning as far forward in their seats as possible without tipping over. They loved hearing how his life as a teacher had influenced the subject matter of his books. They loved hearing about the origins of his stories, his early adventures with Lane Smith, and his many childhood misadventures immortalized in Knucklehead: Growing Up Scieszka (the phrase “crossed swords” was introduced to a whole new generation). They loved learning about his Guys Reads books, and hearing him read hilarious passages from his newest Spaceheadz book. They giggled madly to learn that his SPHDZ name, as generated by the Spaceheadz website, is “Lemon-Fresh Meat Stick.” Never have we heard peals of laughter as loudly and consistently, from all ages, throughout an event. And that is saying something; we have had some pretty funny guests at The Flying Pig.
Jon Scieszka (typing speed 1.4 sec) handled all questions with aplomb. To the oft-heard “Which one of your books is your favorite?” he said—after assuring readers that he loved all of his books “equally, the way your parents say they love you and your siblings”—he decided that he most loved The Stinky Cheese Man, “because I get to say ‘stinky.’ ” To a little kid who asked why he was so funny, he replied that he loved funny books as a kid. To another kid who announced, “A very important question: What is wrong with your brain?” he just laughed, understanding a genuine compliment when he heard one.
So, THANK you, Mr. SHEH-ska. It was a reel plehzhur.
Sincerely,
Classic Waffle-Mix SPHDZ 3143108
P.S. I didn’t show him this, in case he was, you know, sensitive, but when you run a search for Scieszka in a database, this might be your result:

P.S. This just in from the Children’s Book Council: Jon Scieszka and Jarrett Krosoczka face off in a battle of the ZKA-named authors! This is a very amusing video celebrating the 2012 Children’s Choice Book Awards, with cameos from some folks you may recognize:

P.P.S. Bless Roger Sutton and the Horn Book for archiving one of my all-time favorite articles, a hilarious children’s book author/illustrator name pronunciation guide written in 1996 by the Archduke of Crazy Names, Jon Scieszka (2.4 seconds; it’s late and I’m tired) himself.