Guest blogger Kenny Brechner from DDG Booksellers writes:
As you can see from this PW article, Simon & Schuster is now selling e-chapters of books. As exciting as this advance is it doesn’t go nearly far enough, which is why, at DDG, our crack team of scientists has just developed the next big advance for reading, the Corneal Lens “Pay as you go” E-Reading Register.
When you fill your car with gas you only pay for what goes in the tank, right? And that’s the beauty of the CLERR™: you only pay for what you actually read. As easy to put in as a contact lens, the CLERR™ emits a colorless laser image which interacts with the CLERR™ portable E-Reader, or any of the vast available CLERR™ digital library of ebooks and e-magazines, available for you to read on any computer. The way it works is that you can download whatever you want for free. You just pay as you read!
As your eyes pass over any CLERR™ digital content, the CLERR™ lens transmits a colorless infrared beam which interacts with the text and wirelessly transmits the number of characters you read, automatically debiting your credit card .002 cents per character. You don’t pay for what you don’t read! And if your credit card is overdrawn? No problem. The CLERR™ will deliver a searing pain into your cerebral cortex, letting you know to deposit more funds.
Frequently asked questions about the CLERR™:
Can other people steal a peak at your CLERR™ digital content without wearing their CLERR™ lens? No, it is only intelligible if you have a CLERR™ lens in.
Can I put in my CLERR™ lens myself? Sure!
Can I remove my CLERR™ lens myself? No! Only a DDG CLERR™ technician can remove the lens.
Can I re-read text with the CLERR™? You can re-read up to 1,000 characters for free, and after that re-read passages are charged at a special half-off rate. The re-reading rate is currently the same whether you re-read because you liked it a lot or because you’ve forgotten it. Hopefully we’ll have the capability of making finer distinctions soon.
And, with the introduction of CLERR™ billboards, movies, television shows, posters, and flyers, you’ll be able to pay for almost everything you read!
Should you worry about being trapped out on the street because your credit card is overdrawn and every written object you see is causing your CLERR™ lens to transmit searing pain to your cerebral cortex? No! Just shut your eyes and ask someone to guide you to the nearest bank.
CLERR™ developer Kenny Brechner demonstrates an overdraw with destitute prototype tester Margaux DePue. Good thing she was paid her test-subject money up front!
I’m one of the CLERR technicians and I want people to know that the ‘payment refill’ reminders are not nearly as uncomfortable as they look, and I’m in no way saying that because we’re being paid on a consignment basis.
Is there a discount for books over a certain length? Or shall we continue encouraging readers to look for the shortest ones?
Good question. Discounts would be counter productive in this case because one of the great benefits of the CLERR is that it discourages complex forms of edification and gratification. Carry on as you have been.
That is truly brilliant. But what if you skip words or blink too much?
Magn, whl bks pblshd n shrthnd! ROFCMEO! 8 ws th bst f tms, 8 ws th wrst f tms…. CUL8R!
Blinking is not a problem as there is a one minute allowance built in for character repetition to compensate for physical focus irregularities. You can blink for free.
Have you considered installing audio recognition software to prevent particularly rebellious people from reading aloud?
J Prc, tht ws brlnt.
An important aspect of this process is that as we gather personalized data, analyzing the narrative meta tags of the words which go unread, the CLERR Auto Abridge™ feature will allow users to download the book they actually want to read instead of the book that was initially written, which will be a huge advance in the right direction.
Kenny, nice addition. Or is that edition?
Reid has touched on an important point. Will readers-aloud be billed a performance fee to cover their estimated audience size? Or will hearing remain free?
Hearing will be free. The way the Audio Recognition Payment System works is that anyone reading from the text is billed by the syllable, regardless of audience size. The ARPA is set to correlate syllables pronounced within 20 feet of the CLERR text to the character set of the text. Readers can laugh aloud, lightly chuckle, or exclaim for free! For example if you were reading Three Men In A Boat you could exclaim, “Oh that’s too funny” for free but if you said “and hey listen to this, it’s hilarious, ‘There were no more diseases after Zymosis so I concluded that there was nothing else the matter with me'” you would be billed, but only for the quoted sentence, introductory and descriptive statements can be made without charge.
Nice one, forcing us to read that sentence from the book. Good thing the internet is still free…I think.