It is that time of the year. The time to announce the Sixth Annual DDG Stocking Stuffer of the Year Awards. Sorting through the many worthy contenders gracing our fun laden shelves was no easy labor, and we are very grateful to the panel of previous winners who served as this year’s judges. To help present the official announcement of this year’s awards I am joined today by the head of the panel of judges, 2013 Award Winner in the Most Shockingly Good Value category, The Mini Wooden Catch Ball.
Kenny: First of all many thanks to you and the other panellists for all your hard work.
The Mini Wooden Catch Ball: It certainly was hard to sort through so many outstanding entrants, to have the fate of so many worthy toys in our hands, to be the deliverer of laurels but also the extinguisher of dreams. I had hoped that this weighty responsibility would have induced my fellow panelists, as ex-winners, to realize how important maintaining the integrity of the process was. I hoped in vain.
Kenny: Hmm. Well, we booksellers, working as testers under your direction, were all impressed by your exacting standards. Yours in particular.
The Mini Wooden Catch Ball Yes, well, the whole thing, life I mean, is very straightforward to me. Either the ball lands in the cup or it does not.
Kenny: Gotcha. Now, before we announce the winners, I do have one question for you. Athletes often talk about whether one of their colleagues is a good teammate or not. Is that something you took into account, how well the nominated toys behave towards the other sidelines during your hours of leisure when the store is closed?
The Mini Wooden Catch Ball: Oh, absolutely. After all there is no better indicator of how a toy will conduct himself with children than how he comports himself with his fellow toys.
Kenny: Great point. Okay on to this year’s winners. I know that there were three categories this year, Most Shockingly Good Value, Best New Science Toy, and Overall Champion.
Kenny:That must have been tough, they are both only $1.99 and are both sensational fun.
The Mini Wooden Catch Ball: True, but the Cyclone’s flying habits were found to be a bit more stable and dependable, and the cheekiness of the chickens did not commend itself to all the judges. It was a close run thing indeed, but The Cyclone Flyer took home the prize.
Kenny: I see. And what about our next category, the Best New Science Toy?
The Mini Wooden Catch Ball: Well we had three very strong finalists, The Inflatable Political Globe, The Stunt Brothers Parachutists, and The Mirascope. This was one of the most difficult deliberations I’ve ever experienced, because The Stunt Brothers not only taught me a lot about gravity, but also a great deal about friendship and loyalty. Nonetheless, the Mirascope’s ability to cast an illusory doppelganger of small objects proved so amazing that all other considerations were washed away, at least in the eyes of my fellow judges, that is.
Light Up Rail Twirler: Oh stow it already, cup.
Kenny: Umm. I see. Well then, that brings us to the 2014 Stocking Stuffer of the Year Overall Champion.
The Mini Wooden Catch Ball: Ah. it grieves me to report that it came down to three finalists, The Jackrabbit Woodland Animals Mini Rollers, the Ogo Bild Bits and the Zmorph windups. We all loved the Ogo Bild Bits, they are a marvelous and personable construction toy, but for the judges it came down in the end to just two. As adorable as the Woodland Rolling Animals are, as warm and generous is their nature, the unmistakable and astonishing wind-up transformation from car to dinosaur seduced the other judges away from their moral compasses. The Zmorphs carried home the top honor.
Kenny: I’m, uh, sorry to hear that sheer awesomeness triumphed over the quieter bonds offered by adorable rolling woodland creatures. Still, the Woodland Creatures, the Ogo Bild Bits, and the Zmorphs still seem to be fast friends! Well, thank you once again for all your time and effort.
The Mini Wooden Catch Ball: It was our pleasure. We’re all looking forward to sharing the holiday season with your customers both in the store and under the tree!