There are those out there that feel that independents should be focusing less on decency, culture, community and fair play and more on innovating like Amazon does. With that in mind we at DDG have developed some exciting new software that is sure to have a strong impact both financially and culturally on the marketplace.
Regionalism is something that I hadn’t given a thought to until I started buying books professionally. Maine is a hyper-regional state. I soon learned that a book about a Vermont 10-year-old who crossed the Atlantic Ocean in a rowboat, singlehandedly saving 5,000 people from a sinking cruise ship along the way, would garner no interest at all in Maine. On the other hand a book about a Maine 10-year-old who saved an inchworm from being stepped on by her sister would be a big seller. I learned that Mainers feel that any Moose found in New Hampshire woods are either lost or, more probably, kidnapped.
The Great While Loon finishing off a motor boat.
Sure it’s demeaning to go through frontlists hoping to find picture books with moose or loons in them just because they’ll sell no matter what, or stocking up on formulaic tripe like Goodnight Maine. Still, it’s not demeaning enough. That’s why we’ve developed the Regionalizer software™. The Regionalizer software is able to take the actual contents of books and reconfigure them to be set in your region and populated by the corresponding animals. High school students not game for reading Moby Dick? No problem. Once the Regionalizer software has swapped out the Great White Whale for a Great White Loon, a mysterious creature who has been pecking fisherman to death on Moosehead Lake, it will be game back on.
Ole Golly and Sport
Is there any reason that Charlotte needs to be a spider? Why not a black bear? Perhaps you are wondering how a black bear could be living in a barn with farm animals. Don’t be silly. The black bear would live in the wood shed. Perhaps you are thinking that Harriet the Spy is too urban to be set in Maine. Not at all. Is there any reason that it couldn’t be set in Portland, or that Harriet’s governess, Ole Golly, couldn’t be a moose? Of course not.
The Regionalizer is easy to use. Just install the app on your e-reader, select the book you want to regionalize, tap on your region, and then choose apply all changes. The only thing standing in the way of the Regionalizer’s success is decency, good sense, copyright laws, personal integrity, taste, morality, and ethicism. No problem at all.
What I’d really like is a Brechnerizer App that would add your wonderful wit and insight into whatever else I was reading! Well done!
Thanks Francine!
Ha! This is hilarious — but of course wrong. I have used the regional software on the above article and substituted “Vermont” for Maine, “Champ, the lake monster,” for “moose,” and “blasted cormorant” for “loon.” After some consultation, the best New England state voted to retain “bear” as is.
Efforting this bug Elizabeth. The natural world redundancies will need to be addressed.
Sharks, we’re talking SHARKS here. And parking gridlock, plus the Titanic. SOLD!!!
A much needed laugh on a grey day. Perhaps sales reps could customize Edelweiss with your app?
That’s a fantastic idea. I was just working on the MPS Winter list and applied the app to this John Boyne title. Definitely going to give it a bump here.
A History of Loneliness : A Novel
John Boyne
FRONTLIST
On Sale Date: February 3, 2015
9780374171339, 0374171335
Hardcover
$26.00 USD
Fiction / Literary
352 pages
6.000 in W | 9.000 in H | 1.000 lb Wt
152mm W | 229mm H | 454g Wt
Status: Forthcoming
App: Regionalizer – Filter Setting: Maine
Markup Note:
60K Boyne’s first novel set in Maine takes on the Presbyterian Church. One of those novels that define historic events.
Propelled into the clergy by a family tragedy, Odran Yates is full of hope and ambition. When he arrives at the Bangor Theological Seminary in the 1970s, it is a time in Maine when pastors are highly respected, and Odran believes that he is pledging his life to “the good.”