Actually Ironic


Elizabeth Bluemle - January 28, 2011

Fun for a Friday morning: I can’t resist sharing this with you caretakers of language. CollegeHumor.com has taken on the Alanis Morrissette song, “Ironic,” and given it lyrics that are in fact ironic, instead of merely unlucky. (There are a few examples I would still quibble with; even the CollegeHumor people had trouble with the “free ride” and “good advice” lines. All in all, however, an excellent job and extremely amusing.)

An old man turned ninety-eight, he won the lottery and died the next day…of a shock-induced heart attack
It’s a black fly in your Chardonnay……poured to celebrate your apartment fumigation
It’s a death row pardon two minutes too late…’cause the governor was busy watching Dead Man Walking
And isn’t it ironic…don’t you think
It’s like rain at a dehydration victim’s funeral
It’s a free ride to your bankruptcy trial
It’s the good advice to never listen to me
Who would’ve thought…it figures
Mr. Play It Safe, he was afraid to fly
He packed his suitcase and kissed his kids goodbye
He’d waited his whole damn life to take that flight
And as the plane crashed down he thought
“Now I’ll never make it to that Fear of Flying seminar”
And isn’t it ironic…don’t you think
It’s like rain flooding an umbrella factory
It’s a free ride to an overpriced car dealership
It’s the good advice from the guy who just got you fired
Who would’ve thought…it figures
A traffic jam when you’re already late…to receive an award for reducing automobile congestion
A no-smoking sign on your cigarette break… at the R.J. Reynolds tobacco company
It’s like ten thousand spoons when all you need is a knife…to rob a soup kitchen
It’s meeting the man of my dreams, and then meeting his beautiful wife…who’s also my relationship therapist
And isn’t it ironic…don’t you think
A little too ironic…yeah, I really do think…
It’s like rain on your wedding day…to the Egyptian sun god Ra
It’s a free ride when you’ve already paid…for a stolen car
It’s the good advice someone advised you not to take
Who would’ve thought…it figures
I have a funny way of defining rhetorical devices that I use in songs
Songs have a funny, funny way of getting things wrong
Getting things wrong

3 thoughts on “Actually Ironic

  1. Jessica Leader

    Thank goodness somebody finally corrected the record! I had images of English teachers all over 1994 shaking their heads and saying, “How did my students all do so horribly on their Literary Terms quiz? I could have sworn we went over irony a dozen times.”

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