
One of the many joys of Infinite Jest, made possible because of its tremendous length, is its massive cast of characters. The deeper you go, the more characters you encounter and, as you go even deeper, the intersecting lines between the characters become apparent. Just take a look at this diagram. To celebrate the book’s huge ensemble, we’re counting down the 10 best characters over the next two weeks, culminating with the #1 character on Friday, April 13. On that day, we’ll post one giant composite article with all 10 characters. For the list, we’re excluding the book’s two “main” characters, Hal and Gately, because they’re given time and consideration that the rest of the characters don’t get, and thus can’t be evaluated in the same way. So join us as we reveal our favorites and be sure to tell us whether you agree of disagree with our selections in the comments!
#10 Barry Loach, #9 Hugh Steeply, #8 Mrs. Waite, #7 Bruce Green, #6 Ortho Stice, #5 Avril Incandenza, #4 Joelle van Dyne, #3 Michael Pemulis, #2 Eric Clipperton
Today, we’ll look at bradykinetic, middle Incandenza son.
1. Mario Incandenza
And as pinkie meets palm, she says what she’s said for three years of midnights, an opening bit that Mario Incandenza, the least cynical person in the history of Enfield MA, across the river, listening faithfully, finds, for all its black cynicism, terribly compelling.
You could probably see this coming from a mile away.
Mario, himself, is not only a great character, but he makes countless other characters more memorable (see Loach, Avril, Clipperton). He is the emotional node of the Incandenzas, he runs the clockwork of Infinite Jest. If you want something objective (to this reader): he has more sentences that take your breath away than any other character. The book’s best passage (to this reader) is the six page description of Mario’s birth and the way he affects those around him (312-317). In my copy, in which I underline things I like, it looks like this:

I loved this section so much I retyped it just to experience it in a different way. I didn’t even send it to anyone; it’s just sitting on my computer. Allow me a few excerpts:
He had to be more or less scraped out, Mario, like the meat of an oyster from a womb to whose sides he’d been found spiderishly clinging, tiny and unobtrusive, attached by cords of sinew at both feet and a hand, the other fist stuck to his face by the same material. He was a complete surprise and terribly premature, and withered, and he spent the next many weeks waggling his withered and contractured arms up at the Pyrex ceilings of incubators, being fed by tubes and monitored by wires and cupped in sterile palms, his head cradled by a thumb.
There was almost nobody at E.T.A. or its Enfield-Brighton environs who did not treat Mario M. Incandenza with the casual gentility of somebody who doesn’t pity you or admire you so much as just vaguely prefer it if you were around.
…[he] took citizens’ kindness and cruelty the same way, with a kind of extra-inclined half-bow that mocked his own canted posture without pity or cringe.
Players at Denny’s, when they all get to go to Denny’s, almost vie to see who gets to cut up the cutupable parts of Mario’s under-12-size Kilobreakfast.
And then there’s this, maybe my favorite passage in the book, if not the most gut-punchingly affecting:
And his younger and way more externally impressive brother Hal almost idealizes Mario, secretly. God-type issues aside, Mario is a (semi-) walking miracle, Hal believes. People who’re somehow burned at birth, withered or ablated way past anything like what might be fair, they either curl up in their fire, or else they rise. Withered saurian homodontic Mario floats, for Hal. He calls him Booboo but fears his opinion more than probably anybody except their Moms’s. Hal remembers the unending hours of blocks and balls on the hardwood floors of early childhood’s 36 Belle Ave., Weston MA, tangrams and See ‘N Spell, huge-headed Mario hanging in there for games he could not play, for make-believe in which he had no interest other than proximity to his brother.
Then there’s the section entitled MARIO INCANDENZA’S FIRST AND ONLY EVEN REMOTELY ROMANTIC EXPERIENCE, THUS FAR, in which Millicent Kent (nicknamed the U.S.S. Millicent Kent because of her size) corners Mario in the woods and we get writing like this:
The U.S.S. Millicent Kent told Mario that off the record she’d always felt he had the longest lushest prettiest lashes of any boy on two continents, three if you counted Australia. Mario thanked her kindly, calling her Ma’am and trying to fake a Southern accent.
Mario kept saying Golly Ned, all he could think of to say.
At which point U.S.S. Millicent stopped them in an unprickly thicket of what later turned out to be poison sumac and turned with a strange glint in the one eye that wasn’t in pine-shadow and crushed Mario’s large head to the area just below her breasts and said she needed to confess that Mario’s eyelashes and vest with extendable police lock he used for staying upright in one place had for quite some time now driven her right around the bend with sensual feeling. What Mario perceived as a sudden radical drop in the prevailing temperature was in fact the U.S.S. Millicent Kent’s sexual stimulation sucking tremendous quantities of ambient energy out of the air surrounding them.
And there’s the section early on between E.T.A. coach Gerhardt Schtitt and Mario, and why Schtitt prefers Mario’s company:
Mario is basically a born listener. One of the positives to being visibly damaged is that people can sometimes forget you’re there, even when they’re interfacing with you. You almost get to eavesdrop. It’s almost like they’re like: If nobody’s really in there, there’s nothing to be shy about. That’s why bullshit often tends to drop away around damaged listeners, deep beliefs revealed, diary-type private reveries indulged out loud; and, listening, the beaming and bradykinetic boy gets to forge an interpersonal connection he knows only he can truly feel, here.
The point of reiterating all of these scenes here is to show how many pages in Infinite Jest are made memorable by Mario’s presence, and the effect his presence brings out in other characters. Mario becomes like Wallace’s narrative skeleton key, allowing us access to a score of the book’s cast, adding layers of understanding to our reading that wouldn’t exist without him.
One more example–here’s why there’s a relationship between Pemulis and Mario:
The two have the kind of transpersonal bond that shared interests and mutual advantage can inspire: if Mario’s not helping Pemulis fabricate the products of independent-optical-study work M.P. isn’t really much into doing, then Pemulis is giving Mario, who’s a film-nut but no great tech-mind, serious help with cinemo-optical praxis.
That’s why Mario is a great character, narratively speaking. Speaking in the ways that stories really matter–namely, their ability to move us–Mario is a great character because the relationship he has with all of these characters shows the best sides of their nature. Go down the line with the characters that Mario, in one way or another, touches: Hal, Avril, Loach, Himself, Clipperton, Millicent Kent, Pemulis, Schtitt. Every single one of them becomes more human–becomes better–for having Mario in their lives, even despite the evil and sadness that is also in the book’s world. In that way, Mario is a sort elixir of goodness. He is purely good, and this rubs off on those who are near him.
Mario is Infinite Jest‘s finest example of the good of humanity in the face of difficulty and evil. He is an argument for good’s strength over addiction, tragedy, and loss. He’s the book’s most memorable character, and one of the very best characters I’ve encountered in anything I’ve read. In all the dense pages of Infinite Jest, the parts I’ll remember most fondly are the singular images centered around Mario:
Coach Schtitt and Mario tear-ass downhill on W. Commonwealth on Schtitt’s old BMW, bound for Evangeline’s Low-Temperature Confections in Newton Center, right at the bottom of what usually gets called Heartbreak Hill, Schtitt intense-faced and leaning forward like a skier, his white scarf whipping around and whipping Mario’s face, in the sidecar, as Mario too leans way forward into their downhill flight, preparing to whoop when they bottom out.